Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Mood: heartbroken, given up
Time: 12.22pm

Dear Diary,

i have so much to write today. i'm feeling a mix feeling of heartbroken, disappointment and tiredness. i think after been through so much i've come to a self realization.

i think i've change a lot lately, since February. i've become a extreme person. i love someone with all my heart, i hate someone with all my might, i work like i've never work before. i've been trying heart to hide the real me from everyone. i remember i've a friend who said i'm gonna get worn out in no time and trying to numb yourself just won't work. well, it worked, for a period of time. but this is the aftermath. i don't feel like doing anything anymore, just wanna stay home rest for all i care and go out with some good friends once in a while. i wish i could get a life like how i was previously. but i guess it would take me a long time to recuperate before i could find my real self back. or even, this could be an irreversible change of me. well, could be another turning point in my life.

i know when one changed, there's no way you're gonna get them back. towards you i totally have no feelings for you. i sms you last night was purely out of anger, just pissed off with you and the way you prioritize your happenings in life. trust me, i don't want you back anymore. you've gotten me wrong all this while, i admit i used to love you. but i never had that intention of wanting you back. it doesn't matter anymore. i'm use to the life without you.

i'm not writing this fill of anger. i'm feeling calm like water, really. it's not because of how you hurt me and we were totally broken. perhaps, it did in a way. but what totally broke us off is looking at the new you, just distant us. it's the new us which maimed us. i won't hang on to the old you, but i'll continue loving and missing the old you in my memories. sorry, i really know nuts about you now. the new you just turns me off totally. the person i love isn't someone cold blooded, so eager to chase me away in his life and definitely not someone who will turn himself down like this, full of so much negative emotions.

i'll stop being mad at the new you. but i'll be angry with the old you. if its me in the past, i would be crying, telling you to be yourself and stuffs. now, nah. you do what you want. i've sever all ties with you, i don't give a damn to you anymore. but not the old you. i did said i'll wait for the day to come, but if i'm getting the new you instead, i rather i lost it all. this is how persistence i love the old you, this is how faithful i'm. it's okay, memories are enough to last me though. and i realised, trusting someone is so tough cause what you see and what you believe in always contradicts. i think that's the test of faith in one.

i don't expect you to change, i dare not expect anything from you cause expectation is just sole desire from one party and you're not oblige to do it anyway. i won't bear any hopes in you, if in the past i would say you're beyond redemption. the new attitude towards you is you're a stranger, no one put positive emotions on a stranger. i'm tired of saying you change, tired of asking you to be the real you, tired of asking what have gotten the better of you, tired of everything stands before me. yeah, it's all ends here. i'm sick and tired of myself, not gonna let my goodness be taken advantages again of. this is the last time. i've given up on you.

i'm still waiting for that day. i'll still go for the love i want. i'll still keep my promise till the end. and i'm building up the walls between us. you won't get to know what i'm thinking anymore. this is the last time you'll know. this is the separator that will last us for good.

i don't regret, i think i given my best to you.
bye, times up for us. gotta go.

Ps: a song to the old you, rather the real you.

somebody's - Enrique Iglesias.

You, do you remember me?
Like, I remember you?
Do you spend your life, going back in your mind to that time?

Cause I, I walk the streets alone,
I hate being on my own, and everyone can see that,
I really fell, and I'm going through hell.
Thinking about you with somebody else.
Somebody wants you, Somebody needs you.
Somebody dreams about you every single night.
Somebody cant breathe, without you its lonely.
Somebody hopes that one day you will see, that somebody's me.

That somebody's me. yeaa...
How, how did we go wrong?
It was so good, and now its gone,
And i pray at night, that our passing will cross.
What we had, isn't lost.
Cause you are always driving in my thoughts..
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you.
Somebody dreams about you every single night.
Somebody cant breathe, without you its lonely.
Somebody hopes that one day you will see, that somebody's me.
That somebody's me.

Oh yeah...You will always be in my life, even if im not in your life.
Cause you're in my memory...You, will you remember me?...
And before you set me free, oh listen please...
Somebody wants you, Somebody needs you.
Somebody dreams about you every single night.
Somebody cant breathe, without you its lonely.
Somebody hopes that one day you will see, that somebody's me.
That somebody's me.
Somebody's me...Somebody's me...Oh yeah...

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