Thursday, July 26, 2007

mood: tired, feeling out of place
time: 6.48pm

Dear Diary,

time passes fast. it's already wednesday and i realised i haven't been blogging much lately. kinda busy having fun, studying, doing project and working. :) life's getting more fulfilling now.

somehow i looked at your friendster, taking my own sweet time, i finally realised how much you've made me pull through all these. i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, i had enough of weeping, tired of missing you, tired of trying to reach you but you're just pushing me more than the steps i could take.

i'm feeling like how you feel too. i'm trying to put up my best show just in case we still have a future, can you kindly witness my effort and my heart? perhaps, An An is right, missing someone is much better than staying contact to learn that he no longer there. the very least you can do for yourself, is loving someone without hurting yourself when you know the outcome most probably turn out negative. i don't know why i'm still here, it just so happened that i followed my heart and landed myself here.

i know what i wrote here and so many things i said to you contradicts so much that i lost my creditability. but trust me, just like how you seek my trust when you decided to go. i know what i really want now and who's the best for me. maybe you can't see it, but right from 17/10/06, i know what i want and none of it has change.

why can't you just believe me when i say i can forgive you for what you did. i know you have unspeakable reasons and i won't probe further. i'll stop questioning you. but why can't you just buy my words. i'm really gonna trust you and make my way through this confusion we're in. when i say i'll wait for the chance, i'll. when i say i'm gonna stay faithful to you when we're separated, i'm doing so. when i say you're still the one i love and want, you're still be the one till the very end when we really can't go anymore.

i know you're gonna find me a pain in your ass, you'll find me stupid, you're gonna find me obstinate. it's okay, it doesn't matter as long as i'm staying firm believing you and doing what i think is right. we've been through so damn much, and i'm definitely not gonna allow it to get the better of us. we'll be okay. just trust me, trust me with all your heart, like i'm doing it for you. stop asking me to leave, just like asking me to stop doing what you're pursuing over your reason. it's not i didn't try, i did. i tried to find someone new, i tried to move on. but things are just ain't right at all. and it did prove something.

just mark my words, the letters, the last post in my previous post. i mean them. i rather be the biggest fool than leaving you. just in case we might have another chance, and just in case you might need me around sometime. i'll be your pillar. just like how you offered me.

i'll be renewed whenever i get wary. it just gets stronger.

when you're gone - avril lavigine

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on my floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

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loved on 10:42 AM