Sunday, September 23, 2007
Tuning: New Moon - Louis Armstrong
Time: 12.56am
Mood: vexed
First i would love to apologise to Jov for missing out on her bbq party. sorry girl, i had a long day and got drained off entirely. i owe you an face to face apology. but whatever it is, i'll make it up to you sis, i'm terribly sorry. forgive me will you?
and i've also decided to let Dan go. i know it might be a little abrupt to some, but i doubt i should go on with my wrongdoings. i can't imagine that i was such a self centered freak. just because of my failed relationship and the downfalls in my life, i actually seek comfort in him, whom happened to be there. who am i to do that to him? and who am i to put him through all these? seeing him so tired, but yet still trying hard to fulfill our agreements and the promises he made me. i feel sorry for him and i start to despise myself. for a kind and beautiful soul like him, i can never bear to be arrogant and be negligence of his emotions. i don't know how i can make it up to him. i remembered he brought up the changes in my attitudes over the months, but i took it light and brushed it off like what. actually, it's obvious that that change indicates the lost of interests, i can't tell in what way. somehow like, i'm just plain tired to think of anything else. or perhaps, he saw it coming too? well, i don't know, i definitely hopes he do feel the same way now. at least, i would feel less guilty. just in search of another excuse for myself.
and also, one thing that i've never mentioned it at all. i can feel Dan's feeling inferior with me around, just with me alone. i couldn't sense that a few years ago. he was perfectly fine, but i realised that lately. i think i'm the reason why. i think he hinted indirectly me that night went we were out for moon bathing. but i took it easily cause i didn't expected that was meant for me to decipher. now, thinking in depth, i think it's for me in a way or so. i don't know why he felt that way really, in fact not him alone. quite a number of guys i know did confessed that my presence made them felt this way. they couldn't elaborate more, and i gave up probing on this matter. yup, sadly.
and Dan, i don't know when will you be free enough to read my posts. please stop feeling this way. i'm gonna be embarrassed for saying this out loud, but i gotta admit you're the most beautiful thing, guy i know in my life. in fact, so near to perfection, so flawless. so much so that i would love to fall deeply in love you. the way you hold follow your principles closely, the way you stick to your beliefs strongly. everyday with you, you've never cease to surprise me. i admire every single bit of them, they never fails to amaze me. i won't forget how gentle, how careful you are towards me. i won't forget how you help me through the difficult times that life have laid down for me. i won't forget the memorable magnificent fireworks are, the horrible gore movie i made you watch with me, the study and broad shoulders i sleep on. i love your well wishes in the morning, i love the way you remember my stuffs, i love the way you care for me, asking for my day, remind me to eat well, fearing i would have trouble sleeping well. the way you frown and tell me off, insisting that you should hold the bucket full of popcorns. i will always remember how you feed me with water. the way you drank dirty water from the pool. how we got ourselves drenched by the pool side and wet the train's sits. i will always remember how i accused you and you try all sort of ways and means to cool me down. that innocent look of yours and the way you always try to patronize me, i will always miss. and i miss you everyday and i care as much as you do for me. just remember you're someone very important.
but i really think the distance should come in now. i feel i'm using you, in a very overboard manner. i should put a stop to all this. you'll make your mark in life one day, you have the ability to prove the world. you will be a outstanding and remarkable police, you will be someone great. learn to trust yourself, and trust me when i say i'm proud of you. cause everywhere i go, my friends and colleague would compliment you. be proud of your soul alright? remember to stop eating those junkies in camp. and i'll keep my promises, i'll try my very best to let go of my past. please don't blame me for all the changes. i didn't want things to turn out this way. but i guess i'm making the best out of this situation. we will be better off this way. i'm sorry for can't getting him out of my mind. whatever it is, good friends for life. you've never once failed me, thanks.
come to think of it. i think i've giving myself some route to escape from my agony again or truly whatsoever thing it might be which i totally chuck it out of my mind. i think those heart ranching experience i went through are nothing compared to the hard times i gave him in the past. rationally, i know what's broken cannot be mend and i also know that not all things can be made up. but heart felts and verbals plus rational don't come together as one. if you get what i mean over here. it's hard explaining. i give up. anyway, i'm kinda assured she will do a better job that i did. it's good too, cause i never be a good girlfriend for you. i don't know why either, it's just towards you. but trust me for the one last time, i really did my best, i gave what i could. i guess i gotta stop here. just in case i get in between again. :]
songs for the two beautiful man who appeared in my life.
loving someone is to let them go.
i let this 2 guys go. i hope i did the right thing.
The Last Goodbye - James Morrison for the him, my past.
I don't believe you
And I never will,
Oh I can't live by your side
with the lies you've tried to instill,
I can't take anymore,
I don't have to give you a reason
For leaving this time
Cos this is my last goodbye
It's like I hardly know you but maybe I never did.
It's like every emotion you showed me you kept well hid,
and every true word that you ever spoke
was really deceiving.
Now I'm leaving this time cos this is my last goodbye
I've gotta turn and walk away,
I don't have anything left to say
I haven't already said before
and I've grown tired of being used,
and I'm sick and tired of being accused.
Now I'm walking away from you,
and I'm not coming back
for the guy who stood by me for all these while.
Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Frankie Valli
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby,
now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay..
loved on 4:58 PM
