Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Tuning: I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith
Time: 11.40am
Mood: utter messed up, heartbroken
i think it's time to go. my future, my good friends, Dan, Jie, everyone are waiting for me to get out of this confusion, this heart breaking issue. dragged for far too long, been obstinate for far too long. it's time let down everything and listen to what Dan have for me. i'll just listen to every piece of advice or words he have for me, i'm drained, beyond drained. i shall allow him to lead my life till i'm ready to be on my own again. i don't know how to express my gratitude towards Dan and Jie. they never fail to accept my most absurd request, listening to my cryings in the middle of late nights. it's okay, it's gonna be over soon. i'll be okay soon. i will be able to sleep well without nightmares, i won't find myself tearing in the middle of my sleep anymore, i will have better appetite soon. i'll find someone better in time to come. i'll forget him totally.
he might regret loving me, but it's okay. i don't and i guess it's enough. even if i'm given a chance to choose again, i will still make him the guy i love most. heart breaks are inevitable in relationship. i know it well, i memorized this rule and in fact i engraved them in my life already. there's a time to say goodbye and this is the time. i need to try harder, i won't fall back into the same old dark pit which has been consuming for the past few months. i can do it.
anyway, ya, i guess i'm not good enough to deserve any pieces of him. but i'm proud of myself. i don't wish to compare. i've given my best, i've done everything i could. if in the end, it's others who's occupying you, having you. i shall stop myself. i shall start reading the book cause of my likings, my interests, not to understand you anymore. i shall change my hand phone, i don't wanna see the sight of it. i don't wanna trigger any memories anymore.
you're not the only one who's tired. i'm too. i'm so sick of you, sick of your ever constant changes. sick of your loser look and attitude, the way you gave up on yourself so easily. i'm sick of working, sick of studying, sick of projects. sick of doing everything, sick to realise i'm still alive every morning when i wake up.
i had enough. i need to move on. sorry that i came in between again. i didn't know, i wasn't given any clue about it. forgive me. you have my best wishes. anyway, you never crease to surprise and hurt me with your words and acts.
bye my love.
i'm down with fever, headaches. blog soon.
loved on 2:54 AM
