Thursday, September 27, 2007

Tuning: What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts
Time: 11:11 am
Mood: exhausted, troubled, drained

i swear that this is gonna be my favourite song for life. it's just relatable. seems like everyone has their problem to vex over. god just doesn't allow people to survive without problem. me - relationships, rach - schoolmates, shawn - studies. when can we eliminate the negatives?

i went down SIM yesterday with ame. i might have some problems with admitting into their local university. i guess i will have to find the other alternatives and discuss them with my parents. for now, i'm definitely gonna complete my advanced diploma, another 8 to 9 months to go. maybe...

1. Further studies at London
but the currency sends me shivers, and lots of it! something unfillable, i'm gonna get slaughtered.

2. Do my degree in Australia
a period of 1. 5 years, considerable.

3. Do a foreign Degree in SIM
recognition would be much better then MDIS's. but local SIM university would be much better.

4. Degree in MDIS
go NUS/ NTU to do Master's.

5. Get a decent job
local SIM university requires student to be 21 and above. maybe i should get work experiences first?

6. Go mediacorp for internship
get experience in media industry, definitely helpful.

argh, whatever! i shall takes things slow.

i don't know, i know i shouldn't be caring, i shouldn't be bothered, but here i'm feeling upset and disheartened for him. i hate it when the moment i start to feel something, cause it feels like i'm degrading myself. i don't wish to explain, cause everyone would just deny my words in one breathe. i give up. just hope you'll find yourself soon. the way you relinquish yourself is a mental and emotional torture in me. i detest seeing you in this state, get a grip will you? at least doing it for the sake of her. i know i've no ability to persuade you out of this, but will you make an exception and start to heed my advice for once?

and i'm missing Dan badly for the past 3 days. i know i was the one who created that distance, hoping to make the best of the situation. regretting now, just makes me wanna do otherwise. i have this urge to talk to him, i wish to hear his voice, i wanna see his beautiful face, i wanna stand beside the tall figure and feel protected. he has become a habit, something so hard to quit. have i really taken a wrong step? but what can i do to rectify? can i just stop so being so demanding?

i don't know myself, i don't know why i'm screwing every goodness up in my life. it hurts to be audience, watching all these passing by feeling so helpless and heartbroken.

gotta mug JNB.
don't contact me. i won't be available, i need sometime on my own. thanks.

loved on 2:42 AM