Monday, January 28, 2008

Spinning: Karma - Alicia Keys
Time: 11:22am
Mood: Numbed

I appear to be drunk, i might seem that i lost my rationality, but right inside me, i'm still very much awake, still bearing the pain, still reviewing the issues. call me crazy if i say i so wanna get drunk last night. i know getting yourself numbed isn't any way out. but i wouldn't mind if i could exchange a peaceful night of sleep.

i was out on friday night, Daniel for awhile, then Wei Jie till 6am in the morning. i gotta say people changed so much over the years. for 7 years, we both witnessed each other. now, i believe, there's something in life called karma, you gotta pay for what you once did wrong. now, it strikes back and get a taste of how things were so hard for them back then. kinda instant i realized, but being remorseful now don't buy you a way out. fuck myself, why the fuck i played and mistreated them?

out with Daniel yesterday, met Benedict slightly later. somehow, i really think young men can amaze me, i don't understand how guys can click so well upon the first meeting. anyway drank, slack at cafe and gotten busted from Ben. nothing to do, when we back tampines to slack and continue drinking. the serene night are real soothing to my soul.

i didn't wanna get emotional and troubled. i'm so bloody sick of myself and all the stuffs that kept revolving me. if i have the ability to just fuck it and walked off, i would already have. unfortunately, i'm this indecisive, this obstinate. not good, but trying hard to change it. so now, i'm left with some steps to get things done. first, reflect on myself. second, either believe and stay or fuck it and find someone new. for once, i wanted to be someone else. i want Daniel or Ben to impart some skills to me.

working today, ultimate turn off. life's such a routine. gimme something new, i need a fucking big breakthrough.

to myself: don't restrict yourself when the situation doesn't
to all who was there for me lately: i thank god for your existence. thanks for standing by me. =)

shall learn not to be emo after this post!

loved on 3:44 AM