Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Spinning: Dear God - Avenged Sevenfold
Time: 12.00am
Mood: Blank

because the path of life is so tedious and long haul, we tend to experience countless of ups and downs in our journey. and every roller coaster ride are known as a turning point. for every corner you turned, for every chase and effort to fix something, you get drained and sick of life. you began to doubt yourself, questioning everything surrounding you and even life itself. but it's not about giving up, it's about feeling, receiving enlightenment, getting hold of yourself once again and realizing you can do better in life without those dramas and people.

i know i shouldn't be writing this. but seriously, who gives a fuck about what consequences or trouble it will bring. this is my ranting ground, i just wanna get things off my chest. i don't care whats your two cents worth regarding my written content or my personal life. keep them to yourself. all these expectation you guys brings are killing me.

three weeks ago, i was very surprised that you called me. i can't exactly find a word to describe how it feels to see your number appearing as a missed call on my cell. for that two, three month relationship, from honeymoon and lovey dovey to quarrels to heartbreaks and gradually distant and taking different route, we've been through heavens and hells. been happy and blissed and the toughest time. i can't remember since when i've never get to talk to you in that manner anymore. hearing your sweet voice, it makes my heart pounds harder. that kind of feeling is so nostalgia and bittersweet.

i know i shouldn't agree on meeting you, especially in the presence of my current man. but i can't explain why i have this urge, a very strong one to see you. that urge to hold your rough hand that you dislike so much, to touch your face that you're always complaining that it's oily. those whining you tend to share after a hard day of work. it pains me to hear your tired and soft voice over the phone. i've never hear you like that and it worries me greatly. so i decided to risk my current relationship to go over your place to look you up.

though we have broken up, your presence never fail to take my breathe away and it still makes my heart skip a beat. it was definitely more then awesome to see your pretty face. paying more attention to you, i realized how haggard you have become in just less a month we've broken up. you must have been too stressed up by your work load. walking behind your back, i observed how much weight you've actually lost. i no longer can find that shoulder that i could lean on, instead it's screaming i'm tired and i need someone for me to lean on. your weariness overtook your charms, your beauty, your charisma that i've always dwell in. at that point, i wish to tell you like i've always encouraged you, no matter what happened, be it thick and thin, i always be there for you, till the every end. i promised.

it was really great talking to you, seeing you smile, sharing your burdens with me. i don't know how long has it been since i last seen you falling asleep. you look so innocent and sweet. you make me wanna take care of you, cause i know you can't handle things alone.

facing you, i always feel a sense of guilt overcoming me. i questioned myself, did i made a right decision by letting you go. was it fair to leave you when i made my promise and went off, leaving you on the lurch and lonely when you're out there struggling. i wonder how would things be right now if i've never initiated a thing. i don't know if you actually have someone else in your heart now. but i still can't help but to wonder what happened if you were really striving hard for your future out there all these while? did i actually misunderstood you? did i maligned you when you were plain innocent? were you really tad busy with work that you got no choice but to neglect me? seeing you that night, i can't help to think this way, maybe i'm wronged about you. and if i committed these graves mistakes, how can i ever make it up to you? or perhaps, this love never even meant a thing to you at all. i could have misread everything.

kelvin, you always know what i will say to cheer you up. you're great and capable, you can do it. =)

anyway, sorry kelvin. didn't mean to miss you so much.

You Want To Make A Memory - Bon Jovi

Hello again, it's you and me
Kinda always like it used to be
Sippin' wine, killing time
Trying to solve life's mysteries

How's your life, it's been a while
God it's good to see you smile
I see you reaching for your keys
Looking for a reason not to leave

If you don't know if you should stay
If you don't say what's on your mind
Baby just breathe
There's nowhere else tonight we should be

You wanna make a memory?

I dug up this old photograph
Look at all that hair we had.
It's bittersweet to hear you laugh
Your phone is ringing I don't wanna ask

If you go now, I'll understand
If you stay, hey, I've got a plan
We're gonna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines

You wanna make a memory?

If you don't know if you should stay
And you don't say what's on your mind
Baby just breathe
There's nowhere else tonight we should be
We Should be

You wanna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines

You wanna make a memory?

loved on 3:47 PM