Sunday, May 18, 2008

Spinning: Lips of an angel - Hinder
Time: 12.37am
Mood: thinking hard...

i think speaking to gordon got me thinking real hard. things are making some sense now. i don't know what i was trying to do, rather, doing. why was i afraid, feeling ashamed when i'm the one being accused on baseless grounds for umpteen times , being cast in the bad light for nothing. there was nothing i did to pay for this, absolutely nothing. why am i feeling so inferior when they should be the one. for they not only bullied me, they do so to others. for no valid reason.

i read the papers, i got the latest news through the word of mouth regarding the earthquake in china. i realized and noticed how hard people fight, struggle to live. for life, there are willing to sacrifice anything, for anything, for an exchange of an additional second to be able to see the world, to breathe the air, to have their feet on the grounds. here, i'm living in bliss. i'm being a coward. not doing enough to help myself. instead, thinking that giving way would be the best solution, getting myself being gossiped more. why people living in such bleak situation can stay so strong yet i'm so vulnerable here? all i could think of is escapism. it's not gonna work, i'm just gonna get my ass laughed at even more, giving them more reasons to despise me. it was so so wrong, i can do so much better than this. i wasn't my usual self. i'm usually expressive and loud. how come i'm so reserved when all these came pouring at me? so now, i wanna make a differences in my life. i'm gonna look straight into their eyes, i'm gonna talk to them and give them back the treatments they have "bestow" me with. an eye for an eye that's it. i'll train myself to be stronger than this.

i believe god make me go through this for a reason. since he's posting me a challenge, and i'm in for it. i shall put a good show and get my victory. i know god won't put me through something i can never handle. i definitely can work things out. i believe there are more things awaiting in the future.

if you don't safeguard your own rights, no one can do a better job than you do.

good night.
happy birthday kelvin.

loved on 3:53 PM