Saturday, May 3, 2008

Spinning: Angels - Robbie Williams
Time: 8.05pm
Mood: Random

as usual. life's still as hectic as ever. perhaps, getting heavier as days goes.

suddenly, sitting right here, in front of my laptop gives me a very foreign feeling. as though it has been years i last touched a gadget. lol, i think i must be a little out of my mind tonight.

life is filled with so many unexpectancy. you don't know when you'll leave this world and your loves. just like mk's friend. i don't know why but listening out to her got me kinda affected too. it really shakes me so badly that i start interrogating myself with questions like, what if i were to go like this, who's gonna take care of my parents, am i satisfied and contented with everything in my life right now? i've never been so fearful of death before. perhaps, subconsciously we all know that humans tends to take things for granted. and the thoughts of that pain of losing everything you love scares you more. we get very insecure especially when we know that there are situation whereby you can only sit there and be helpless cause things are too much beyond our control and we can't even have it predicted.

i don't understand, simply don't. it's so ironic and disgracing to see how people view life as a worthless matter. there are so many people suffering from all kinds of mishaps around the world. we all know by browsing through the morning papers alright. anyway, global issues like malnutrition or rather starvation in developing countries, natural disasters hitting certain regions and killing thousands or even people nearer to home, being tortured by incurable or terminal diseases, illness. people are struggling and staying determined to live, yearning for better life ahead while they are some bloody fuck trying so hard to die yet fail. i don't know what's so nice about slitting their wrist, seeing pints of blood flowing out or jumping off buildings to get their bones and faces smashed like some potatoes (that's a very unglam way to die by the way). why? someone tell me, why give up on life when countless of people out there in different corners of the world are staying strong just for themselves. the less fortunate are loving themselves more than fortunate ones? is this what you're trying to convey? we should always love ourselves as much as how we love our family, partners and friends. only then, we can give our utmost to them. true? anyway, what rubbish, killing oneself is cool. i think committing suicide is the most coward form of act one can ever try. escape is never the solution to problem. facing the music is.

seriously, cherish every littlest things. nothing comes by easily, nothing at all. even it deems to be case. treasure the bads too, don't belittle them. cause they are part of you, part of those beautiful memories you owned. without the unpleasant, there won't be beauty. you never know what happens next. so don't wait or hold yourself back when it comes to expressing and showing love and affections and everything positive! =)

ps: human don't practice what they preach and am ain't any different. but still consistently reminding myself not to take things for granted. anyway, ultimately what's really important is i learn the lesson of cherish and love.

pps: mei mei, please take good care of yourself. don't fall sick again. lots of shuai ge waiting to date you in school leh... see you on the your next working day!

ppps: love you mr boyfriend. stop reading this and go to bed. =p

now, my bedtime.
early shift tomorrow.
night.

loved on 12:03 AM