Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Spinning: What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts
Time: 1.11am
Mood: helpeless

i have so much to say right now. thousand words are forming sentences in my brain like a bullet train, revealing every inch of my heartaches and thoughts. i wanna start off somewhere... just in case you happened to read this.

typing and backspacing for a thousand times.
i'm still lost for words.

what makes you think that i would be interested in that lawyer?
what on earth makes you think that kelvin was my everything back then?
what the hell makes you think that i'm really bothered by the amount of wealth they are generating in their monthly income?

i thought you knew.
knew that i never believed in loving someone for valuable possessions.
knew that it was you, all along that i've loved. for all that roller coaster rides we took or rather made each other took, for all the times we've been through, it's enough to prove you.
knew that what you're seeing are facades i'm forcing myself to wear everyday.
knew that for you and our future, i would exchange my anything, everything. exclusively, for you.

when i'm with you, turning quiet and all. it just shows how much i'm trying to cherish this feeling when we are all by ourselves. there are so many things i wanna say to you but have never had the courage to, no matter how hard i try to gather them.

i'm sorry that i turned our love sour and leaving no room for salvation.
this is my biggest regret in life and will always be.
i'll never forget what you told yq, that plan you made for us. though the validation is long over.
i'm sorry for scolding you and being doubtful towards anything in you, i just wanted to you to be at your best and make sure your life will be as smooth sailing as possible.

believe me, i'm still the girl you knew 3 years ago.
i know it's futile, trying so hard to turn this around.
cause i've tried so so many times.
perhaps, this is the best options out of this bleak situation.

i'm still here. i know you've left, long ago.
i still have so much to say, but i learn to keep them to myself.

loved on 1:40 AM