Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Spinning: I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing - Areosmith
Time: 8.13pm
Mood: Down

i think i'm the biggest failure around.
i must be the biggest fool in this world.

i know there's no point tearing behind my laptop, typing my heart away here.
i've been trying to hold my emotions back, numbing myself with all those heavy workloads at work, thinking that will get me through the days.
but at the end of the day, who the hell am i trying to deceive?
all i'm doing is to delude myself, thinking i will be fine soon.
i wish i could be open about my true feelings, i wish i could speak to someone about it.
unfortunately, it seems that i've grown more defensive about myself and no longer allow access into my inner self from anyone.

i don't know why everything i do, i say have to be associated to him.
even just a simple teasing remark to shawn have to have some connections to him.
i don't ask for much, i don't pray for anything.
i just wanna forget you totally and move on with my life.
will you please let me off, please.
i'm really all drained and lost.

i really tried my best. will anyone just spare me their trust?
i tried my best for so many years.
from being together, till breaking up and even when things became so bleak.
i'm still trying my best to work this out.
it's all for him.
why am i just not good enough for him.
why is it everything i do is not the best for him.
why is it when i gave you A, you wanted B. and when i gave you B, you just have to ask for A. what's the fuck is wrong with you.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.
WHY AM I ALWAYS GIVING IN TO YOU, I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANYTHING FOR RETURN.
CAN'T YOU JUST APPREICATE ME, STOP AND LOOK AT ME PROPERLY FOR ONCE.
HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU LAST TAKEN A GOOD LOOK AT ME.
AND STOP REPREMANDING ME FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU AND START TO UNDERSTAND ME FOR ONCE.

i just wanna love you this way.
it doesn't matter if you don't belong to me.
i just wanna love you in a distance.
i just wanna be there whenever you need someone.
why do you even have to be so crude, must you do away with my last resort.
DO YOU HAVE TO, FUCKER.

thanks for making me weak once again.
i have to say it was tough and tiring to put on a facade every second in my life.

thanks for bring me down.

loved on 8:41 PM