Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Spinning: What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts
Time: 6.11am
Mood: Calm
i can't sleep and i don't know why.
i'm wondering if you actually bother to read my posts or not.
my intention is not to make you stay, just wanna express my inner feelings to you.
i just wanna let you know. there are too many things that i've been keeping to myself.
and i think you should really know.
it's too late. i know, please don't tell me. you might just break me into pieces again if you do.
but being as lost as some wondering soul out there, what can i do, what should i do?
i'm helpless, i need a way out.
but you're not giving me any. no one can help.
i'm weak, but i have to put on a strong front.
i'm drained, but i'm forced to carry on.
knowing i can't turn this around yet i can't change and help it with the way i'm feeling towards you, us and this matter.
there are plenty of regrets in my life.
and i must be out of my mind.
i don't know why i keep repeating those mistakes.
first whenour relationships first face the biggest obstacle, i threw my ring out into the singapore river out of impulse.
but god knows we could work things out again and you gave me yours. i kept it.
i either wear it on my finger or i wear it on my necklace for years, many years.
but again, when you broke the news to me about you gotten someone new.
i threw the ring out of impulse again, this time in my workplace.
when i managed to cool myself down, i realized the bin has been cleared.
what the fuck am i doing.
the most important aspect in this relationship is our ring.
the promises, the indication of our love.
the vow we made in front of church.
it's all gone for good.
i'm sorry.
i didn't mean to get irritated and be unreasonable.
i don't know why, i guess it's the higher expectations i have on you.
that leads us to quarrel endlessly.
i know you're tired of this, so am i.
but why do you even have to trying picking a fight with me at times?
you always complaint that i've never given you enough and when i try, you just refused to take it and try giving me instead.
that's what i'm always telling Shawn and i bet he gets tired just hearing it from me.
why are we always fighting? why must we strain ourselves in conflicts?
why? tell me? why?
it's pointless whining here.
it's meaningless trying to explain certain things here.
it's all futile and baseless.
you don't even give a fuck and why am i bothering to waste my time to patronize this piece of fucking mistake we made right from the start.
can't i just pack up and leave?
i'm just plain useless.
loved on 6:30 AM
