Time: 4.42pm

Mood: relax, pleased.

Just reached home, from school and lunch at clementi. Deliberately wasted sometime by taking a long distance bus home. Been at least 3 months since i last did that and really enjoyed my own accompany. =)

Exam was alright today. chapters that i studied were tested, paper was alright. not that tough if you study hard enough. Didn't do a good job for the last question, cause i couldn't do up a good explanation for each factor. but i guess the main meaning are still there. well, i've really tried my best. i'll leave the rest up to god's hand. no regrets. =) hopefully i would get least get a credit for this module.

turned down kelvin seah's meeting up last minute. i know i'm not ready and i don't want him to waste his time. he is not my cup of tea, everything of his is just not my kind. i'm just not into him. he asked me to join him for a short getaway trip and i think it's really absurd of him to ask me. first, i'm nobody significant in his life. second, we are FRIENDS. i don't go holiday with a guy friend ALONE. if it's big groups of both genders, i could give it some consideration. it's crap. i'm staying away from him. he has been freaking me out too many times from buying me gifts and asking me if he would be the one for me. if you know it yourself, please don't ask the obvious. i'm not interested in hurting anyone. my tolerance level for him is running low.

the bus ride reminded me of places that i used go with shawn. it just somehow that they reminded me shawn. it has been at least 2 months since i last spoke to him and he hasn't been on my mind since we decided stop befriending each other. honestly, if it wasn't for today, i might just forgotten about his existence. and i never expected that a perfect couple like us would turn into enemies. i guess he hasn't forgiven me all these while.

i has been more than half a year since we went our own way. i missed those peaceful and simple days when there isn't drama and all. Cause all we do all day long is to each other accompany. Going all the way up to find him pick him up from work, he coming all the way down just to see me. Having dinner with his family, watch telly, go groceries shopping together, go yishun dam every night after dinner, taking our own sweet time to stroll around, doing mask in east coast park and going round to freak people out. that was one of those happiest moment in my life.

i was his everything and he was mine too. i felt i find my best friend and lover. someone who could be as crazy as me, someone who will be there for me whenever i cry or feel discourage. he may be a MCP, male chauvinist pig and i have no issue with that. for him, i'm willing to give my temper up, my pride away, just to be submissive and selfless. i've been wanting to settle down with him, and made me more determined when he left work half way just to buy me flowers. it really felt special, he really made my day. it wasn't my first time receiving flowers, but it was different, so much that i could just smile to myself. i couldn't care about anything, i just wanted to give him my heart, my unconditional love and entrust myself to this guy. i ignored his past and just wanna be there with him. i waited for one year, went a big round to be with him. that's all i ask for.

my heart still aches a little when the thought of us breaking us was due to a major misunderstanding. there is just a little imperfection because of the regret i'm still carrying until now. it's not about having feelings, it just that on my side, i have yet to get a proper closure.

he never liked it when i gets a lot of attention from all directions, be it good or bad. but it has always been this way. he knows it's not my fault and but he just can't take it that things are just this way. he hated the fact that there are too many surrounding me. he is always insecure and he never let me know. he never told me, that he needs more love and to receive more from me. gradually, things got worse with all the misunderstandings that i was flirting and cheating behind his back. he was someone whom i gave my all, never scolded him once. never retorted him when he tells me off. never made a single noise when he screamed at me. it can be tiring sometimes, but i didn't mind giving back then.

i don't know if i'll be able to do this for a man again. so i promise myself, never to take my next man for granted. i swear i will give my everything and everything best to him. i'll make sure he's always happy every single day. make him feel secure, loved and assured in every way.

i'm falling in love with a song cause it's so, so meaningful. it makes me wanna fall in love again, just like how i did when i met shawn. shawn is long over and he no longer someone special anymore. but still i wanna wish him all the best.

Good day people!