Time: 10.29pm

Mood: confused

just reached home from meeting shawn. i'm really very confused right now. i felt i left X and him down because i know it myself that shawn will come before anyone in my life.

it felt strange at the beginning because he waited for me at the same spot in the carpark. like we are still lovers just yesterday. everything appears to vivid to me.

we kept talking our past and all. suddenly, i just could sense my desire for him. it was overwhelming, like he used to be mine and me still wanting him to be mine.

we played and hugged a little. and out of nowhere, he asked me why i was so good to him in the past. his voice deepens and his face became serious. i don't know why and he didn't dare to allow the conversation to go on.

i didn't wanna go home, i want him to be around. around me and never leave me again. he stayed a little longer and offered to send me up. we were both very awkward in the lift. i have no idea why. he hasn't been able to look me in the eye for awhile. he is still that shy little boy i know. nothing has changed.

he walked me up and i just threw myself at him uncontrollably and gave him a hug. he returned it and i planted a kiss on his cheek. it's really silly and i asked if i'm gonna see him again. this is stupid. but i really miss him till today.

i sacrificed my time with X for shawn. i know i broke his heart when he specially went down to town to buy something and wanting to surprise me. i'm sorry. this incident made me learnt who i've been yearning all these while.

ps: if you think you've let me down at these while, then make sure you make it happen this time round. do it right while i'm still around for you to turn the situation around.