Time: 4.17pm

Mood: disappointed

i'm still waiting. waiting for the impossible to happen. it's crap, it's making me feel extremely lousy. it's getting a little too painful and i can't think anymore.

meeting you yesterday night was a mistake. it triggers all those memories i've buried inside my heart. i sealed off and never had intended of racking them up.

we all have scars. it gets more as you aged, it's inevitable. they are hidden because of their ugliness and of the past we do not wanna be reminded. so why am i exposing them now?

i really miss those days. everything still feels the same. cause he still remembers every single details of us, just like i'm still holding on to it tightly.

That seat still belongs to me, still fitting me perfectly.

i love rubbing and poking that protruding fat stomach of his.

i love clinging on to his arms when he drives, it pulls me closer to him.

i also love looking at him, when he drives, when he do his work and stuffs. it just makes me feel complete. i know there isn't anything more i could ask for in life for he is mine to keep.

i love spraying my shu uemura facial mist on him when he drives, he would be enjoying it.

i love hugging him, that gives me a very strong sense of securities.

i know i can always run to him in times of troubles or fears, he will definitely be there for me to run to and hide behind him and protect me

i love wearing his tee at home, love his smell lingering on my skin and going to bed hugging him. i love his clothes, they are too huge for me and they make me feel he's with me.

love it when he acts like a baby, whine and complain to me all day long. i can keep my mouth really tight and just listen to what he has to tell me. miss him calling my counter to tell me how he almost got into accidents and stuffs.

he's a such gluttony. i can go groceries shopping up to house and having him finishing all the chocolates and ice cream up when i went bathing. we will always go to the different drive through to get his fast food. he can't get enough of them.

i miss his shyness. i love it when he blushes and his heart races. he will never dare to look at me straight in the eyes. it's really adorable for someone as foul tempered as him to be acting this way.

i love his confidence. when he's speaking to his boss or client over the phone. that's the most attractive part about him. his confidence comes from driving too. he is a great driver. he has never lose a bet with his friends. he always brings me for racing, it's fun and he never once failed to impress me.

he's one of the most meticulous guy i've ever known. he will always bring his jacket along whenever we go for movie. he will always pay attention to minute details. making sure i'm well taken care of. i miss the time when he piggybacked me back to the carpark because i was too tired to walk after the movie. he will always do things to please me. i know there was once i said i wanna take his brother's type r. he actually went through the trouble to exchange car with his brother.

i miss him lying on my lap because that's the best time i can give him all my comfort and assurance. just like yesterday. perhaps, he knows whenever he runs into trouble, he can always turn to me. for i will never abandon him, give up on him, never stop believing in him. he knows, a word from him, i'm ready to turn my back against the world for him, be there for him. i wanna be there for him at all times. not only for the good ones but the bad ones as well. i want him to know i'm someone whom he can depend on at all times.

i miss him saying "come, sayang". just like when i knocked my head yesterday. he would open up his arm and embrace me. his hands are huge and it feels really comfortable when rubs my bump.

it don't really matter if he only comes to me when he's down or even think of me only when he needs me. it doesn't matter if he's taking me for a ride. i just wanna be there for him.

it's enough when he said he has been turning to me whenever he's down. there were many occasions where i needed him and he pushed me far aside. it's alright, i've forgiven him way back. i don't mind him lying to me, somewhat it shows that he still cares about my feelings. i screwed that opportunity 2 months back. i hope it will come knocking soon. i promise, i do whatever it takes to make this happen, i'll do everything to keep him with him, to make him feel loved and secured every second of his life. i will make him feel he's the most fortunate guy on earth. i will do a better birthday celebration for him this year. i will bring him to the zoo this year. i will make time to make up for the genting trip we missed last year.

it seems that you still remember everything about us. then may i ask, do you remember how it feel when we were in love? can you bring it back and let us continue from where we stopped at? would that be too much to ask for?

I wanna be with you - Mandy Moore