Time: 10.13am

Mood: still a little baffled

Still recovering from the shock that i met shawn last night. i seriously do not need anymore drama in my life. i'm had enough to handle already. honestly, i'm worried about shawn. i don't wanna doubt if he's a good person to start with. he didn't try to be funny last night and did not take advantage of me. as far as i'm concern, he's facing a lot of problem, including his family's matters. just wanna make sure he get through this giant. if he's gonna sell his car, i hope he will be able to adapt quickly. i don't wanna see him struggle, he has been leading a relatively sheltered life since young. i wanted to tell him so badly last night that should he and his family go broke, i will definitely stay with him through the thick and thin, unconditionally and for as long as he wants to. but i withdrew last minute and decided to keep it to myself.

it doesn't matter if he's gonna be back at my side. even if it is gonna take me a year to see him once, i'm fine, i promise i will be very contended. i doubt we will be able to work out this time round. it's not the right time too, with the amount of stuffs he's going through. There was hope 2 months ago, and now another 2 months we are hanging here, in the middle of nowhere. and in 2 months time we hitting the 1 year mark. excuse me, may i ask how many more 1 year can we spare?

i was thinking of him when i was at changi beach with shawn. was looking at the planes which flew by and was doing of him. wondering if he's already at his destination, what was doing etc.

i miss him. it's really sad to not see him before he leaves.

i've decided to be firm with X. i know as of now he is a very nice guy. sometimes, when you are just not interested in someone, every effort they put in are deem redundant, as though they are trying to hard. i don't wanna be mean to him, so i will just insist he go.

mummy was asking me for my ideal guy last night. i just answer him. he has everything i want except for his history. mummy just nodded her head upon hearing me. i don't know if that's to acknowledge my answer or what. i don't know, i don't wanna go on. i need a break. i don't wanna think.

and yesterday night ethan, my secondary school senior is asking me for out. god. now another ass on my list. one fine day i will settle them off. i will turn nasty!

ps: i sent my resume over and they are responded saying their are looking for full time instructor instead. WTF. then why post part time position~! FUCKED UP.

ccb lor. make me pin hope for nothing.