Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Spinning: -
Time: 10.33pm
Mood: calm

i'm feeling better right now.
i feel i owe you an apology for holding you so tight the recent week when we start going downhill, especially sunday and yesterday.
maybe what i could say is that i'm just too fearful of losing you because i could sense that things were really different.
well, i admit i have a mad to play in causing us to be this way.

anyway, i don't know why i woke up and pack your things the first thing before preparing for work.
i cast them aside, out of my sight. don't wanna be reminded.
and i actually sort of decided that i don't wanna hang on.
and for no apparent reason, i feel a sense of relieve today.
maybe because i won't subconsciously be waiting for your call or text.
you know, waiting for your call or text is not wanting you to report, but just wanna know that i actually went your mind at that moment.

but anyway, i do clearly know that things will definitely remain after a month of cooling down.
so i actually texted my mum at work asking her if she could go down to the temple that we always pray at to seek a divine lot from Guan Yin because i wanna let go, but i don't know if it's gonna be a right choice.
and as expected, extremely true and spot on, it wasn't something good. it mentioned that i lost this needle in the sea. and even if i get the needle back, it would be futile as it would bring pain and trouble. so the interpretation was that i don't deserve what i don't deserve. what i ever heed to listen. i was told to listen well before i act.
so i guess i really did the right thing by deciding. i'm leaving things to take its course.
in fact i don't intend to ask for your answer and neither will i give mine on that day.
cause i really now after one month, still would be the same.
cause through the sms conversed that night, i could tell that you couldn't wait to get me off your back.
you kept saying starting from now. and i know, you are just patronizing me so you won't be bothered by me for this whole month. i just wanna say, you really broke my heart this way.
and in fact, i'm very sure you will realize you're better off without me.
cause you never needed me. you needed was your ex gf.


but really, at that moment, on that day went we bumped into each other day.
i really thought we were fated, really fated.
we were brought together by heaven.
and all these while, i have always thought we were meant to be.
but are we meant to be now? i guess not.
it was a illusion after all.

i feel better now. although i cried a little here and there.
but yesterday was really bad, seriously.

anyway, work is okay. not perfect. but, ya.
i guess it's a learning process. good, i think.
it feels very different to be working in office, really.
now i do understand how you feel.
trying hard to cope well. will need to go in earlier so i can get my work done in time.

i'm very tired already.
i can't imagine you having so many things to do.

please rest early.
night.

loved on 10:45 PM