Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Spinning: -
Time: 6.58am
Mood: exhuasted.

yesterday was dreadful.
i slept for 3 hours, i tossed and turned, i couldn't sleep.
i was working, feeling drained emotionally and physically. i couldn't focus. it feel terrible, really.
so now, i finally got a taste of medicine.
i couldn't eat, all i did was drank water.
i'm not torturing myself, but i really have no appetite.
really wanna go into hiding. went school, but didn't attend class. neither do i give a damn about the project.

i didn't expect it come, or rather i don't want it to happen at all.
i guess i really did maxed you out, or we maxed each other out.
it was just within a time span of 2 weeks plus, and things would just change with a blink of an eye.
why did you changed after your shanghai trip?
i must admit that it's scary, it too fast, and i can't adapt.
perhaps, it was really accumulative.
we both are tired, what actually happened? reason being? neither of us knew.
it's really sad, when i was packing the things that belonged to us.
it's like walking down the memory lane, and watching things goes up and it crashing down the next moment.

it hurts very badly, to know that you won't be marrying me anymore.
i don't know why. because we can't get along anymore? or is it over your ex gf.
i feel a huge gap in between, and there are many obstacles in between the gaps.
my future looks very empty now.

i'm quite still shocked by the bomb you threw me.
i never knew about your ex gf existence.
you never told me.
your insecurities, dislikes were never made known to me either.
i swear i didn't knew some of them.
but honestly, there are so many things which i seriously feel that you were indeed picking a bone out of an egg.

i truly and sincerely apologize for not giving you space and pushing you.
i really don't wanna let you go, but i know love cannot be ordered.
it was my intention to keep you with me, but not to force you to stay with me.
i know this is more or less a gone case.
cause all these while, you never needed me.
or to put it straightforwardly, what you needed is your ex gf.
i don't know who were you happier with or who is better or what.
but you really have to know it's really very unfair to compare us, based on the basis we have dated each other.
we dated not really long, and you had and have to focus on your career.
we really did not spend time like a normal couple do.
you really have to recognize my effort that i've put in for us.

but whatever is it, i let you go not because i don't love you.
it's just that i know you're stressed out and i don't wanna further pressure you.
i hope you would be happier now.
it doesn't really matter whether you come back or not.
cause i really don't know how to continue this anymore.
like what i have said, it's flawed and i don't wanna be overshadowed by your ex gf.
it's really sad to realized that this is how vulnerable we are.

i'm not expecting you to regret, to come back to me or what.
i've decided that this one month its just a illusion, or rather a form of help to let me let you go easier and faster.
i know it's gone case. and you definitely won't be back.
i know what's going on. i'm not stupid.
i wont even ask you for the answer, cause i more or less know mine already.

i hope you take care of yourself.
especially your health. you have been falling sick too often.
love you for the last time.

loved on 7:18 AM