Saturday, August 28, 2010

Spinning: Xin Bu Liao Qing - Qiao Jing Teng
Time: 9.45pm
Mood: heartbroken

I think the last time i blogged was about Daniel.
I was at the crossroads, i felt very devastated.
I fell into the trap of forbidden love and i got my fingers badly burnt.
I never thought that i would be a third party.
never expect to fall in love with him, and to end myself up into such a major heartbreak.

In the midst of my despair and disappointment after the closure, i met him.
Someone whom i would least expect to date, to accept, to love, to marry.
It all happened.
He made me felt so right. He made me felt so loved. He gave me hope. He gave me bliss. He gave me a future.
I was the princess, he was the prince who took my breathe away.
But now, things are on the rough patch.
I don't know if we could make it through the night.
It's so scary and so beyond my control that i can't be sure things will be alright when i wake up the next day.

I wanna believe we ain't this vulnerable, but the fact that we are is killing me.
What happened to us? What happened to me? What happened to you?
I wanna be understanding but i can't withstand my own pain. The pain of being neglected and unloved.
I want you to dedicate slightly more bit of attention and time to me but you can't. If i demand, i'm unreasonable.
I'm at my wits end already. I swear, i'm so tired and so broken inside.
Trying to hide the pain from everyone, trying to run away every single day.
I'm trying to believe that our love and bond still exist and it's tying us together now.
I pray it will keep us going till things get better.

I'm miserable. In fact, i would consider miserable underrated.
i'm now facing fear, pain and insecurities constantly.
Never felt so distant from him. We are drifting apart.
I'm depressed. I'm not eating enough, not sleeping enough.
Unhealthy inside out.
I'm like walking zombie. Living for the sake for living.
I'm so disgusting with myself for looking sickly, for being unhappy, for being unable to control my emotions.

I'm very lost, I don't know what more can I do to keep us, to salvage whatever that went wrong.
Give me some light, show me the way to his heart, to him and to us.
Cause i'm very sure, he is what I want for life. I wanna build my future home with this man here.

I spent 21 years looking for him, and now i found him. I will never and don't wanna let him go.
I will hang on till the end.
I'm afraid of losing him because I know, such greatness will never ever fall upon on me again.

I promised never to forsake him. I will stay by his side thick and thin to give him the utmost support and love he needs.
I wanna and will honour my words.

If this is what we have to go through to get to our final destination together.
I'm more than willing to bear it all up.
Cause i know, no one deserves the effort and sacrifice more than he does.

I texted you " Missed you :) "
I hope at the end of the day, before you turn in, you would return me those words.
I just need things like this to keep me going.
It will be enough for me to disregard all the negativity away.
Stay with me, fight it out with me, please.

loved on 10:10 PM